Life...it's been a whirlwind of changes lately. I got the job I prayed for about a year ago. I turned 24 this year. My little brother graduated and I'm learning how to live life in a different way again. Lately, I've been going with the flow with life's changes.
Recently, I moved to a new place, met new people, re-acquainted myself with not so new people and was pushed way out of my comfort zone. Usually, I like to be the behind the scenes person. I don't like to be front and center or in charge of anything really. I rather work with a group of people and try my hardest to get a job done. Well, within this past month, all of that changed. I got a job where I have to know what to do in situations and keep my cool. I got put in front of people and had to speak. I met new people, that I had to talk to and willingly befriended. I'm trying new things and enjoying life as a young adult.
However, also with this change comes a bit of loneliness. I had to leave my family behind because of my job, which in the end was my choice. Here's the kicker though...I had applied for this job out of anger one night when something at my previous job wasn't going right. I prayed after I sent in my application and prayed about my situation at work. Well, months later after everything at my previous job had been worked out and I thought I had been forgotten about for my current job, I got a call...turns out I was actually being considered! Next thing I knew I was calling my mom and praying about this new job opportunity as I was on my way home from work. The next day arrives and I receive another call to be told I got the job! This is the first blessing. After all the excitement had passed, reality set in. First, I had to tell my boss I was leaving. Second...I had to tell my precious baby sister I was leaving. The first part was hard, but the second part was the hardest. After, doing all of this and preparing myself for two months, I was in a new place and moving in.
My family has been real supportive of me while I've been here. They call me often, even when I can't talk long, or am too busy to talk and honestly...it makes me feel guilty but I also know it's something that comes with my job. There are things I can talk about and things I cannot talk about. Thankfully, they understand all of this and are utterly ecstatic to have me coming home soon. That is the second blessing.
My faith...my faith is something that had grown stronger in these past few months. The last Sabbath I spent in my home church, after everyone had gone out into the dining area, I went back in and sat in the back pew and took it all in. Unexpectedly, I started to cry while observing the small yet quaint church. I was attempting to absorb every memory made there. I was reminiscing in memories that had been made there in the few short months we had begun congregating in the new locale. I wanted my heart and mind to capture all the feelings and emotions that had been felt in the sanctuary and finally, I felt a peace like...this is where I belong, this is home and this is the place where I can always return.
I pray more often than I used to, mostly to be given the wisdom to speak when necessary and to speak the right words, not what I want to say but what is needed to be said in the particular moment. That I may be guided by the Holy Spirit to be able to guide those who I speak to. I pray that he shines through me and that I can have the ears to listen and just be the shoulder they need to cry on sometimes....
Friday night, at a Bible study, we were asked a series of questions, but one has stuck with me in memory. "What character in the Bible, best represents you or that you relate to the most in your spiritual life?" Honestly...I couldn't find an answer. Not because there wasn't someone in the Bible who could relate, but because I didn't really know how to answer that. Am I where I want to be at the moment? Am I doing all I could do to connect with my Heavenly Father better? Am I making in effort in OUR relationship? Am I putting him first...above all things? Am I trying to get to know HIM better?... Basically, I was stuck in rut with that question as I sat and analyzed my spiritual life. It's something I've been pondering since that night and have been trying to answer. The answer I gave that Friday night would suffice for that moment, but I also know that...that wasn't completely it. There was more to it than the simple answer I gave. There was more depth, more subsistence to it. So that's where I am right while working on a worship thought.
I do have a verse that keeps me going and I pray it helps you out as well, whoever reads this:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” - JOSHUA 1:9
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