Sorrow comes in all sizes...

So this weekend has not been the best weekend for me. First, on Sabbath morning right before church my mom cals to tell me my grandfather died Thursday night. I knew it was going to happen, it was inevitable...but that doesn't mean I wanted it to. At that moment, I decided I wasn't going to church after all. I knew I wasn't okay to be around a lot of people that morning, so instead I took a drive to be alone with God in nature. Took me 3 tries to get to where I was going but it was flocked with people and I knew I wouldn't be able to have that alone time that I wanted or needed. I settled for a quiet river trail instead and I talked with the Almighty...and I felt peace and understanding. My conflicting emotions, thoughts and words all came to an end when I talked with my savior and prayed. I know that my grandfather is no longer suffering but resting instead and that one day when Jesus comes back to take us home, I will be able to see him again. 

2. I couldn't sleep last night so I was on my Skype trying to change my profile picture and I clicked on iCloud expecting to find some pictures of my sister and I together. What I found instead brought me to my knees...my precious little sister had started to get into a world that  is very addicting and that could lead you away from your relationship with Christ. I cried and wondered...was this my fault? Although, I told her she could read certain things there were also things that were never to be sought after or looked at. However...she did that very thing. Disobeyed and then read on about those things. Something already had caught her interest and she was starting to look because she was intrigued. 

I guess in my mind I had always found her to be perfect without fault or being tainted. Except now...now I guess she is somewhat more tainted than she was before. I felt awful about telling my mami about it, I had a battle going on inside of me whether to tell her or not...heard my sister begging me on the other side of the phone not to tell her but...how could I not? Is she not the mother? In the end, I told her because I know that she needed to know and take control of the situation, not me. My job as sister is to protect my little one and have to sadly tell on her when necessary. I don't want her to learn to hide things, but I want to be able to trust her and for her to trust me, but at this moment I don't trust her with those things. Although, I feel bad about having to tell on her...I love her enough that I knew that I had to do it. I understand that I didn't do it out of anger, revenge or spite...but solely to do the right thing and help her...but then way do I feel so bad and sad about it?